The Dam

Dusted off the camera yesterday.  I missed it, and had to take it out for a beautiful stroll at my favorite park.  It was a gorgeous day, a little overcast, but still very warm.  I don’t mind the humidity much, so long as my car has the AC to come back to.

falls2

I tried my hand at a slow shutter speed with no tripod.  It’s not exactly tack sharp, but not too shabby, I think.  I love this view of the Dam.  It’s water is so nasty because of all the rain we had gotten last week, but honestly, it’s always been murky.  But the walking trails, and the trees, and listening to the birds are worth the dirty water.

I always feel like my posts are kind of depressing.  I am always so down on myself because I can’t seem to get back on track with my 365.  I apologize.  I seem to be going through a tough time at the moment.  But if you will allow me to dump on you….

Have you ever just wanted to run away from life?  Just run to see how far you can get, and then run even further?  Leave everything about your life behind, assume a new identity, see if you can start fresh and do things differently?  Obviously this isn’t a very responsible thing to do, but some days I wish I could just…..run.  Some days I think life likes to play its cruel jokes on me and then kick me for good measure.   Ugh, sorry for being such a debbie downer, I promise I am not usually like this.  Sometimes I feel like the only way to vent is through typing to complete strangers who don’t really know me, or know the gory details about my life and there seems to be something so therapeutic about hearing the clack-clacking of the keys against my fingernails.  Or the fact that if I am feeling better, I can just hit the delete key and pretend this never existed.  As selfish as this may sound, I don’t write this for sympathy or for anyone to feel sorry for me.  As a matter of fact, I’m not really sure if I really care if anyone actually reads this or views my pictures.  I write and I shoot for me, because in a lifetime of pure misery with a few bright spots, I have to force myself to find somewhere to vent or find something that brings me joy or I’ll just scream.  Scream until nothing comes out and I’m not sure my neighbors would appreciate that very much being that it is after midnight.  I have gone into this blog with absolutely no expectations, so every like and every comment and every follow is that little ray of sunshine seeping through.  Thank you friends, for bringing some light to this very dark soul.

I think I chose photography as my avenue because I feel like it is the one part of my life that I can control.  I haven’t mastered all that these brilliant machines have to offer, but I can manipulate settings, and fire test shots until I get the exact picture I am looking for.  Then I can busy myself with uploading it into my editing program and there I can unlock all of the options to make it just how I want it to be.  What colors I want to mute or enhance, where I want to focus to be, and if it isn’t sharp enough well, lucky me, my software comes with a sharpen slider to where I can make it look sharper than it really is.  (Although I am sure, if you zoomed in, you could totally tell!)

Sorry for the rant tonight, it’s just been one of those millenniums.

I truly hope you and your families have a wonderful 4th. ❤

-K

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6 thoughts on “The Dam

  1. Hello Kristen,

    I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling so down, but I feel it’s perfectly OK to tell people about it here! Like you, I’ve felt – especially looking back on some of my photo posts – that I’ve always got something negative to say about my photography. I didn’t do it well enough, I didn’t take enough pictures, didn’t go outside to take pictures, feel like my pictures a year ago were more inspired than they are now… Lately, though, I remembered that I’m photo blogging for fun and that it’s completely up to me if I post and what. I often put quite a bit of text with my pics, but if I’m feeling low – be it due to not being inspired or due to some personal issues – I just post single pics without text.

    As for wanting to run away from your life, I think a lot of us know how that feels; I keep telling myself it wouldn’t be any use because I’d only be taking myself – and therefore my (negative) thoughts/problems – with me. It’s nice to fantasize about it, though 🙂

    I love seeing a post from you pop up in my reader, no matter the content! I like your dam picture, and it reminded me that I’ve always wanted to try long exposure but am too impatient…

    Hope you’ll still enjoy your 4th of July celebrations – happy weekend!
    Kiki

    1. Ah, thank you so much Kiki. You have been there from the beginning, I so appreciate you. I have been so hard on myself from before I can remember. I think it has a lot to do with having an Asian mom and not ever feeling good enough. But I am working on it. I have such a long way to go.

      It is true though. Its nice to think about escaping, but honestly you are so right. The problems and issues would only follow wherever you go.

      I am so happy to have met you and that we can share this passion we have! I love seeing your photos come across too! Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. They mean a great deal to me!

      Happy weekend to you too. ❤

  2. I like what Kiki wrote in her comments! I want to say ditto.

    I’m so glad that you share whatever and whenever. We connected because our images spoke to the other…life can get so hectic, so hard and isn’t it lucky that we can vent here in the blogosphere. You are an artist, you have the eye and the ability to capture the image to share with the world. I am glad you missed your camera, sometimes we have to step away from our art when life pulls at us but it’s a piece of your soul.

    I used to have terrible depression when my kids were small and I’m sure it was a contributing factor for my divorce. I also used to have vivid dreams and one in particular was a recurring dream. I dreamed that I had found a secret room in my house (and my grandma’s) that was just amazing. It was filled with golden light and decorated so beautifully. I always felt so good after I had that dream!

    I always enjoyed taking photos – had basic cameras over the years. But after my husband moved out, I realized that I had to make a life for my kids. I wanted to document these memories and it motivated me to LIVE. I invested in a more expensive point and shoot and committed to scrapbooking as well.

    My golden room was my creativity and I haven’t had it since I starting using it.

    Hope it helps to know that you aren’t alone!

    1. Oh Sherri! It does help! Your support has always been so Amazing. I am so glad that we connected. I love seeing your shots and seeing your love with Ray has really given me such hope and the fact that you had shared your sons story with us. ❤

      I do feel lucky that I have found a place to vent. And moreso, being able to meet others who are going through similar trials or tests. And sometimes I read others posts and feel kind of ashamed of being so down when others have it much harder than me. But I also know that everyone struggles differently, so that helps me feel not so alone.

      Your dream sounds absolutely amazing! I actually have a similar dream, but mine takes place in an abandoned house, where I unearth all sorts of old antiques that used to belong to the people that lived there, and somehow I am able to find things and piece together who they were and how they lived. I guess that's where my love for archaeology and antiques come from. I also love to see shots of abandoned buildings and things "left behind", I follow many of those photogs on Instagram. I also love scrapbooking! Although I always seem to start well, but never finish…lol.

      Seeing my dad still hanging in there, really gives me that inspiration to Live! I just need to keep my focus clear and stay strong to reach that goal. I'm still in the race 🙂 Thank you so much dear friend, for passing me the baton ❤

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