So, we are going to get a dog. Not this one, we opted for a much smaller variety.
Tiger, see photo above, happens to be my friend’s dog. I’m not sure if you read any posts prior to this, but I had a ton of practice with the two greyhounds I had when I was married. My ex took them as his house and yard is much bigger than my teeny, non-fenced patio apartment. Do I miss them? You bet. But to be very honest, I had always wanted a small dog. One that didn’t actually try to push me off of the couch or steal all the covers at night. I tease, I didn’t mind sharing much.
The personal part of my post is where I explain that I had always pushed aside everything I ever wanted to make everyone else in my life happy. Sure, they may have been little things here and there. But piles of small things measure up to big things after long periods of time. After realizing too late that my then-husband and I didn’t have the same goals in life, among many other things, I finally made the decision to make some very necessary changes.
Most people expect change. Most people expect their significant others to change. Marriage, Babies, Careers, First Time Home-buying, Funerals…these are all major life altering events that many families go through. And at each one of these points and any other time really, one person changes and the other one does not. The sad truth is, unless both parties are changing and growing together, it can lead to a lot of resentment and disappointment. My case was very unique. Different. And not any smarter than the above party mentioned, waiting for their others change to come.
I chose to try to change myself in order to fit relationship I was in.
How crazy is that, huh? Pretending to be someone you really aren’t. You guys must think I am completely psycho. But I truly thought my needs were insignificant and selfish. I truly thought I could be everything this person needed to be even though this was not who I really was. A small example. When we had first been married, we both came as package deals. Me with a 7-year-old-going-on-15 son and him with a 98lb. extremely hairy, German Shepherd/Greyhound mix named Oswald. And we made it work. When Oswald passed of old age, the house seemed too empty, so soon after we began the discussion of what breed of dog to get next. And of course, I gave in. Don’t get me wrong, I loved them, they were the best dogs I ever had. But it seemed like I was always giving in. Always putting my wants aside to allow others to have their way. As sweet and as kind as that sounds, I started to resent it, because it wasn’t being reciprocated. And after a long while, you start to feel stupid. What in the world have I been doing to myself? How long did this need to go on before you realized people were walking all over you? Taking advantage of you? Taking you for granted? Where is your sense of self-worth? I thought the silly things that really meant something to me, I didn’t really need to survive. Isn’t that what love is? Putting others ahead of yourself, even when your wants don’t seem to matter. Please understand that this is an extremely small piece of a much much bigger puzzle. No, I did not separate from my husband over a choice of dog.
I am rescuing a Yorkie. I have already put in the application and have already spoken with the foster parents. I am serving myself, thank you very much. I hope that there is a future man for me out there who won’t mind having a Son and a Yorkie as a package deal someday.
Realizing that these shots don’t have anything to do with my past marriage or my newly soon-to-be adopted Yorkie, I don’t care. Here is another picture of Tiger. Have a nice day. 😛
It has been a long and hectic couple of months. I am still here, still shooting, but honestly haven’t been into editing much. I think I need to get my monitor calibrated and the spyders are ridiculously priced for a hobbyist. Summer is soon coming to an end, school will be starting at the end of the month before Labor Day instead of after. My son will be stepping into his sophomore year of High School and I can’t help but feel the little pang of nostalgia when I remember what it was like watching him walk into preschool for the first time. He never looked back and I was so proud of him. Yes, we have hit those “I know better than you” and the “you don’t understand, you don’t have any idea” years, we are still going through them, but I haven’t lost hope that one day he will realize his potential and become as successful and hardworking as his Grandfather. Now days the need for hugs and kisses have long gone, the nights begging to be tucked in before bed have since put themselves to sleep. Now camera shy and awkward, we have come to this wall of parent/semi-adult and this territory with which I am so unfamiliar. When I could chase away sorrows and hurt with arms of love and affection and ice cream, now hide behind locked doors and on smartphone screens. I realize he is has grown so much, and so have I. 🙂