Something that has to do with nothing.

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So, we are going to get a dog.  Not this one, we opted for a much smaller variety.

Tiger, see photo above, happens to be my friend’s dog.  I’m not sure if you read any posts prior to this, but I had a ton of practice with the two greyhounds I had when I was married.  My ex took them as his house and yard is much bigger than my teeny, non-fenced patio apartment.  Do I miss them?  You bet.  But to be very honest, I had always wanted a small dog.  One that didn’t actually try to push me off of the couch or steal all the covers at night.   I tease, I didn’t mind sharing much.

The personal part of my post is where I explain that I had always pushed aside everything I ever wanted to make everyone else in my life happy.  Sure, they may have been little things here and there.  But piles of small things measure up to big things after long periods of time.  After realizing too late that my then-husband and I didn’t have the same goals in life, among many other things, I finally made the decision to make some very necessary changes.

Most people expect change.  Most people expect their significant others to change.  Marriage, Babies, Careers, First Time Home-buying, Funerals…these are all major life altering events that many families go through.  And at each one of these points and any other time really, one person changes and the other one does not.  The sad truth is, unless both parties are changing and growing together, it can lead to a lot of resentment and disappointment. My case was very unique.  Different.  And not any smarter than the above party mentioned, waiting for their others change to come.

I chose to try to change myself in order to fit relationship I was in.

How crazy is that, huh?  Pretending to be someone you really aren’t. You guys must think I am completely psycho. But I truly thought my needs were insignificant and selfish. I truly thought I could be everything this person needed to be even though this was not who I really was. A small example. When we had first been married, we both came as package deals.  Me with a 7-year-old-going-on-15 son and him with a 98lb. extremely hairy, German Shepherd/Greyhound mix named Oswald. And we made it work. When Oswald passed of old age, the house seemed too empty, so soon after we began the discussion of what breed of dog to get next. And of course, I gave in. Don’t get me wrong, I loved them, they were the best dogs I ever had. But it seemed like I was always giving in. Always putting my wants aside to allow others to have their way. As sweet and as kind as that sounds, I started to resent it, because it wasn’t being reciprocated. And after a long while, you start to feel stupid. What in the world have I been doing to myself? How long did this need to go on before you realized people were walking all over you? Taking advantage of you? Taking you for granted? Where is your sense of self-worth? I thought the silly things that really meant something to me, I didn’t really need to survive.  Isn’t that what love is? Putting others ahead of yourself, even when your wants don’t seem to matter.  Please understand that this is an extremely small piece of a much much bigger puzzle. No, I did not separate from my husband over a choice of dog.

So.

I am rescuing a Yorkie. I have already put in the application and have already spoken with the foster parents. I am serving myself, thank you very much. I hope that there is a future man for me out there who won’t mind having a Son and a Yorkie as a package deal someday.

Realizing that these shots don’t have anything to do with my past marriage or my newly soon-to-be adopted Yorkie, I don’t care. Here is another picture of Tiger. Have a nice day. 😛

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Balance

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Life can sometimes be hard to balance.  Work, fun, motherhood, cleaning, friendships, relationships, family… Some days, I just want to throw my arms in the air and scream Eff it all!  I have always been such a people-pleaser, all I ever wanted to do was make the people around me as happy as I could.  What I didn’t realize in all of this, was while I was nearly killing myself to make others happy, deep down inside – I was not happy, I was miserable.  Don’t get me wrong, serving others is very dear to my heart, and understandably, serving without the expectations of receiving is as selfless as one can be – that’s actually what I was striving for.  But not being able to serve yourself because you are always serving others is a daunting and exhausting task.  Sometimes you need to ask for help and just hope that maybe, it will be given back to you.

I have learned so much this past year.  I learned that in the end, sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself.  I learned that the only person in charge of your happiness is you.  Life is only what you make it to be, and that you shouldn’t or can’t depend on others to make you happy.  I learned that Gary Chapman’s “The five love languages” only works when both parties are willing to fill each others love tanks.  I learned that life is so fleeting and ever-changing, you never know when something life altering is going to come into play.   I learned to be diligent in my goals, knowing that if I didn’t follow the proper steps, I would never reach them.   I learned that life can be so beautiful if you take the time to appreciate it.  I learned that I was strong enough.  And more than that, I learned that I deserved happiness.

I hope you all had a great weekend and my challenge for you this week, is to find YOUR happy.

18/365

Life’s Lessons Legacy #1

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I remember many lessons my mother taught me growing up.  Some days, they hit me like a ton of bricks.  I will have witnessed something, and realized if my mother hadn’t drilled into my head, all of these little life’s lessons, I would probably be making the same mistakes.  Over and over again, most likely.

One of the most important ones I remember, was to never borrow anything from anyone.  If you need it or want it, work hard to earn it yourself.  Sometimes the result of borrowing things can sour the most sweetest relationships.  And I realized that it wouldn’t be worth all the stress.  So I just simply never borrowed anything….from anyone.  And I’m glad she taught me this lesson.  I see so many relationships fall apart over money or the most trivial of items.  People often borrowed from me, but I would never lend what I wouldn’t give anyway.  I am and always was willing to share whatever I had.  She taught me that too.

So through all of the fighting, teenage drama, her controlling complex and dictatorship, she did her best to make me a better person.  I am so grateful to have had her as my mother, to have shaped me into who I am today.  While my childhood was not easy or much fun, she prepared me for the future; she hardened me to accept disappointments and softened me to have a keen sense of compassion for humanity.  I feel so lucky and I can only hope that I can pass on these lessons to my children as we roll along.

This is only one of many lessons she has taught me, but this one stuck in my mind this morning.  Putting things into perspective, sometimes it’s necessary to give credit where credit is due.  And my mom deserves all of the credit in the world.

Have a blessed day folks.

-K

Snow Day!

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I am behind on my 365.  I just need to upload my pics, but today is a snow day and I wanted to post this instead.  They say that sometimes your 365 can really bog you down.  You feel so pressured to produce and sometimes it is not your best work.  Today, I am taking a snow day.  I am going to enjoy frolicking in the snow with all of my boys (human and furry).  Because today is too beautiful to miss ❤  I hope this post finds you safe and warm at home surrounded by your loved ones.  I hope this time allows you to put aside your daily chores, work and activities, and gives you the chance to enjoy life.  It’s so worth living when you can find the time to appreciate it…