You look like a mom…

No photography today, folks. Or what seems like for months. But occasionally I feel inclined to share a random musing every now and then. I’d like to consider myself a deep thinker, I have a lot of time to think. I’m sure that during this thinking time, I could be snapping away, but I am still in that blind funk where I just can’t seem to see things as artists do, but I digress…

A couple of months ago a friend came to see me at work. She was picking up a consent form for my son to attend a week long retreat with her church. My friend is actively involved in her church and also happens to be the mother of my sons half brothers. Along with the two, she hosts a brood of 4 other children in her household. In that brief period of time when I handed her the form, I noticed she had chopped all of her hair off!  It was now in a pixie cut.  She asked me if I liked it, to which I replied, “I love it! You look like a mom!”

She was taken aback. “Um…thanks?” She said. I was confused at her response, and second guessed my compliment. “I just mean you look Great, Mon.”

I guess I just let it go, as did she. Since then, we have seen each other numerous times. And to be honest, she is more than just a friend to us, she is like family. My son wanted to spend more time with his brothers so she began inviting him to their youth fellowship events and eventually, it led us to begin attending church with her family on Sunday mornings. Normally, my son and I take time on Sunday mornings to visit my dad, but my mother was relieved when I asked her if we could instead attend church again. We now visit Saturday mornings 🙂

Being that today was Sunday, we took our places in the front row this morning at service. During the choirs morning song, I turned in the pew and got a really good look at her, my friend, my sister in spirit. As her daughter lay curled in her lap, I noticed she had gotten her hair trimmed recently to maintain her pixie look. It made me remember what I had said to her that one afternoon and I thought about what my words really meant.

“You look like a mom…”

I didn’t mean that she didn’t look like an individual.  I didn’t mean that it made her look older.  What I meant to say was,

Your new haircut makes you look so well-put-together, like you have all the secrets and hints on how to make it through each and every day without losing your shit.  You look brave, like nothing in the world could scare you away from being exactly who you are.  It compliments your eyes in the way they light up when you see a familiar face or when you meet a new friend. And it completes the look of relief that flashes across your face when you see me walk towards you, knowing that you will be able to speak adult for a short time before settling back into story time and nursery rhymes.  You look caring, as one does who wipes noses and kisses boo-boos.  You look a bit tired and it shows that you woke up early this morning to make breakfast for your family, helped dress them to get them where they needed to go for the day.  And it brightens your smile, so that even though you may be a bit tired, you’ll never let on or complain about it for one second, knowing that some may not be as fortunate.  It makes you look happy, like the confidence that radiates because your life is exactly the way it’s supposed to be and it makes you look like a force to be reckoned with, when anyone or anything crosses the line and disrupts the harmony of your family.  You look like you love hard, and fight even harder to make sure everyone is well taken care of.

You look like a mom…and it’s so beautiful.

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Still on hiatus…

It has been a long and hectic couple of months.  I am still here, still shooting, but honestly haven’t been into editing much.  I think I need to get my monitor calibrated and the spyders are ridiculously priced for a hobbyist.  Summer is soon coming to an end, school will be starting at the end of the month before Labor Day instead of after.  My son will be stepping into his sophomore year of High School and I can’t help but feel the little pang of nostalgia when I remember what it was like watching him walk into preschool for the first time.  He never looked back and I was so proud of him.  Yes, we have hit those “I know better than you” and the “you don’t understand, you don’t have any idea” years, we are still going through them, but I haven’t lost hope that one day he will realize his potential and become as successful and hardworking as his Grandfather.  Now days the need for hugs and kisses have long gone, the nights begging to be tucked in before bed have since put themselves to sleep.  Now camera shy and awkward, we have come to this wall of parent/semi-adult and this territory with which I am so unfamiliar.  When I could chase away sorrows and hurt with arms of love and affection and ice cream, now hide behind locked doors and on smartphone screens.  I realize he is has grown so much, and so have I.  🙂

Pure Boredom

pistil2

I always feel like people (including me) are always wishing for more time.  More time in the daylight, more time for vacation, more time to spend with a loved one, more time to enjoy life.  I really feel like I have forgotten how.  This is the first full day my son has been away at camp and I remember how excited I was for him to go and experience being away from home, but also how excited I was to finally get a little time to myself.  Yet I am here, laying in bed.

Isn’t that just pathetic?

I realize too late how out of touch I am.  I have no idea what to do other than twiddle my thumbs and hope I can come up with a decent place to go shoot some pics tomorrow.  I could have shot some today, but I couldn’t think of anywhere to go or anything to shoot.  Here’s to hoping inspiration hits tomorrow.  I realize that I am in charge of getting myself out of this rut I have been in for the past eons of time, but for tonight, ice cream and netflix it is! 😉

Yummy

yummy

 

Yay more food.  My life seems to revolve around food… a lot.

Lately I have been on a salad kick.  You know, trying to stay healthy, blah blah.  But in all honesty, sometimes I love a good salad.  When you get the right combo of salty/sweet, crunchy/soft, tangy and subtle, it can really become a symphony to your taste buds.  I just walk through the fresh aisles of my grocery store throwing in as many veggies as I can.  Once in a while, I am able to get to my local farmers market, and when I do, I bring the Chevy Suburban!

I have really been trying to stay away from meats so many times a week.  I love meat, give me a good ribeye slathered in melted butter and garlic powder any ol’ day, but high cholesterol runs in my family.  I have it, and my son is starting to show signs of it, so I have been extremely strict in our diets.  I do my best to shop only in the fresh and frozen veggie aisles and get very very few canned and boxed items.  I know I am doing it right when my pantry is empty and my refrigerator is full.  Just making the switch in breads, making sure the bread does not contain high fructose corn syrup (Nature’s Own – the only brand I buy) and getting whole grain or whole wheat instead of white.  I promise after a while, you do get used to it.  Trading white long grain rice for brown rice or basmati rice (some brands of basmati show less carbs than even brown rice).  Trading in your Land’o Lakes for some Smart Balance.  To me, it’s worth it.  While it is true that some of the switches are pricier, I wonder if you can really put a price tag on giving yourself more time with your loved ones?  No, it’s not guaranteed, but it can help.

I would go all vegan if it were just me I was cooking for.  My son and husband would starve to death, poor dears.  I tried to make them a portobello burger for dinner one night, and they nearly threw it at me.  I thought it was delicious, but to them, there was just no substitute.  Oh well, at least they do eat salad.  I feel better knowing that we are making even these little steps towards happier, healthier lives.  Next time, remind me to tell you about my experience with Quinoa, although, you probably won’t want to hear it.  It’s one of those TMI things… 😉

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An Encouraging Word

Encouraging

Dreaming encourages me to think outside of the realm of reality.  Truthfully, reality can seem so depressing day after day.  All one has to do is turn on the news or open up a newspaper and there it is: death, destruction, loss and poverty.  Its a wonder how we manage to function daily with knowing all that is out there, all that is going on.

Dreaming is a means for ideas to be born, if we dream of a better future, can we dream a way to make it so?  (<- Ha!…Star Trek reference) The doors can be opened to any possibility, beyond your wildest dreams.  Right now, I dream of moving.  I dream of my son growing up to be a successful husband and father.  I dream my father is able to walk again after his stroke.  I am encouraged to make my dreams my reality.  It encourages me to work harder and be stronger.  What lies beyond these doors for you?

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